Month: April 2015

Unfortunately, the Diva Princess sometimes has bad dreams, but we’ve been lucky that they aren’t the night terrors I have heard other people talk about. Usually with a little cuddling, she will go right back to sleep, and on a bad night she might wake up a second time. I’ve often asked in the morning if she remembers what the bad dream was about, hoping that maybe I can find a trigger, but her response is always the same. She doesn’t remember.

Except for today…

Normally, her dreams occur in the middle of the night. Somewhere around 3 am seems to be the sweet – or not so sweet – spot. At that hour of the morning, I am usually focused on getting her back to sleep – in her own bed – rather than discussing what the dream was about and risking further upset. But this morning, her bad dream just so happened to be when it was time to get up for school anyway. When I asked her what was wrong, why she was crying, I nearly died at the answer.

Any time your child is upset, you want nothing more than to make it all better. When it comes to bad dreams, as a parent you want to find the source and fix the problem. Was it something she saw, something we read in a book, or God forbid, something happened that you didn’t know about? Nope, not with my child. No, my child has to have nightmares of much deeper rooted problems…

Play-Doh!

Yes, you read that correctly. Play-Doh! I am going to be paying for therapy in ten years because we don’t own Play-Doh. Hand to Heaven, honest to God, my child woke up crying because we don’t have Play-Doh. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried!

Do you know how hard it is to not laugh at your child when they are hysterical that you don’t own Play-Doh? Impossibly Hard!!! Here I am expecting monsters and bad guys and she’s dreaming about Play-Doh…or the lack there of.

Only in a Diva world!

Did you read yesterday’s blog? Well, let’s just say it went downhill after that.

After my lunch date with a spider dangling in my face, which nearly sent me into cardiac arrest, I decided that luck – or some other divine intervention – was on my side when I didn’t crash the car. And then four hours later I decided life hates me.

Now, there are two things you may or may not know about my current state…1) I have an irrational fear of spiders in my immediate proximity, and 2) I’m 32 weeks pregnant (i.e. I have a very large belly).

So, four hours later (post yesterday’s blog) after stopping by the local CVS for some shampoo, the last thing I expected was another passenger in my car. And by passenger, I mean the second spider of the day crawling up my seat belt, across my very large belly.

Two! Spiders! In one flipping day!

That’s even cruel for Karma! But bad went to worse in a hurry. Once again panicked, on a four lane road, I began to smack at the pesky, eight-legged bane of my existence. Now, I know for a fact the first one was dead, so I am assuming this was his cousin Carlos out for blood and revenge. And boy was Carlos a stealthy ninja.

In my smacking rage, Carlos retreated to my leg – which I obviously began to beat – before disappearing into no-man’s land. If you have ever had the pleasure of being uber pregnant, you know what I am talking about…the area between your navel and mid-thigh that disappears for months. Honest, there could be a party happening in “the zone” and I wouldn’t have a clue, I haven’t seen it for at least a month. Left with no option, I began to smack/brush/swipe hoping like hell that Carlos would meet his demise. By time I pulled into our driveway a mile later, I was covered in sweat from the panic and exertion, but my mind was made up. There was only one thing to do.

I was burning the car to the ground!

Okay, I can’t actually afford a new one, so that option was off the table, but you better believe I was on the lookout this morning when I got back in it.

Not cool spiders. Not cool!

Today, I almost died! Literally!

I’m serious!

Heart attack inducing, accident causing, never to return again…all because of eight little legs dangling in my face!

But I was brave my friends and did the unthinkable! I squished the spider!

Honestly, he left me no option. I’m okay with spiders, as in, we can coexist with them staying far far away from me, as long as they promise to not move quickly or run at me. Then we’re good…or at least I will pretend we’re good. But dangling in my face while I drive 45 mph down a four lane road? No, sir! Not okay. Ever. And I do mean in my face, so much so we shared a breath together. At 32 weeks pregnant, I have enough trouble breathing. I really don’t need a spider stealing my breath away. If he were a hot, hunky fireman, steal away, but he wasn’t. He was a spider, which I am going to claim was much larger than he really was to save at least a little of my dignity here.

The good news is, I survived…and he did not! Also, I didn’t hit anyone, anything or cause any wrecks. Well, I don’t think I did anyway. I can’t really say, I was a little focused on not hyperventilating.

So tell me, what’s your biggest fear? Or crazy near death experience story?