“Wow, she’s big…”

There is one thing in life I will always admit, and that’s the fact that I am just as guilty as the next person when it comes to just about every social faux pa. I don’t point fingers without pointing one first at my own self. Whether it’s intentional or not, we so often open our mouths without thinking.

Trust me, I’ve put my foot in my mouth so many times I’ve acquired a taste for rubber soles.

It happens a lot when you are pregnant – and sometimes even when you’re not – that people like to tell you how big your baby is. The thing is, I find myself wondering, “Do they think I don’t know?”

With our first daughter, the great and wonderful Diva Princess, it took a long time to show. For the first few months I just felt terrible, then the second trimester I just looked like I needed to avoid Taco Bell a little more often, and then finally somewhere around 7 months I actually had a baby bump that looked like a baby bump. With Nameless, however, I think I started showing at conception…at least by week 4 no doubt. Everything I read, and from what my doctor says, you just show sooner with the second one. And truth be told, I’m glad. I bypassed the “over indulging Taco Bell” stage in record speed and headed straight for obviously pregnant without passing go. But apparently, being bigger sooner just means more time for the peanut gallery to remark.

Now, the thing is, it doesn’t actually offend me – I’m big, I’ll admit – but let’s talk about the principle of the matter. When choosing to comment on someone’s belly, I think there should be an extra moment of “pause and reconsider” before you actually speak. For instance, when uttering any of the following statements; “Wow, she’s a big girl…”, “Damn, how far along are you again?”, “She might be a ten pounder…”, “you’re really getting out there” or anything else along those lines, well, the truth is you’re just calling me fat! Yep, no way around it, you called me fat. In your attempt to be cute, funny, or blatantly obvious, you really made an overly emotional, hormonal woman’s day!

The irony of my never ending comments is that I have actually gained significantly less amount of weight with Nameless than I did with the Diva Princess. By this point in my first pregnancy, I had gained about 40-50 lbs (mostly thanks to my pre-eclampsia and rapid fluid retention), with Nameless I have only gained 17 lbs. Personally, I’m feeling quite accomplished.

But sometimes our situations, our stories, are not always intentional. My pregnancy was planned, purposeful, I knew the score. But sometimes life throws us an unexpected curve ball.

“The Big C”

I’ve watched while cancer has done its best to wreak havoc on a dear friend of mine. Through all the treatments, she’s battled with all her might. She’s lost her hair, dealt with bad reactions to the drugs and the swelling, along with the simple fact, she has cancer. She’s taken everything in stride and never once given up hope. And she’s brave. I don’t think I could ever go out in public, as shallow as it may make me sound, without a wig. I’m just not that brave. I want to not care, but I’m just not sure I could really let go. But today she was hurt, maybe more deeply than any physical wound could cut. All because someone didn’t think before they spoke.

As I said, and will say again, I am not guilt free, but I think that it’s very important that we all remember that we don’t know someone else’s story. We don’t know the hardships and struggles they are under. So before we speak, take a moment to pause and reconsider your words, because our simple words could turn someone’s great day into their worst.

For my friend, I love you! #FightLikeAGirl