In honor of a good friend and devoted follower of my blog, who is having a baby today, I thought we would cover a few of the ways life changes post-kids. I am sure I will miss a few so please feel free to comment any I miss.
It’s a right of passage as a new expecting mother, that all your friends with kids torture you with the horrible stories of the blowout diapers, the incessant crying, and well, every horror story they can come up with. But the truth is life changes majorly. Let’s start with the obvious…
SLEEP –
Pre-kids, work was the only thing that got in your way of sleep. If you wanted to go out Friday night and party till dawn, so be it. You had all day Saturday to sleep. Of course, you could go to bed early and still sleep in. It was all your choice.
Post-kids, you get none.
Leaving the house –
Pre-kids, you grab your purse and walk out. Done.
Post-kids, it takes you three hours to plan and pack the diaper bag, feed the baby, change the baby, get poop on the most adorable outfit you picked specifically because the friend you are meeting bought it, so you have to do a wardrobe change. Get the baby in the carrier, walk out the door. Forget the wipes, so you go back in. Put the baby in the car, only to realize you forgot the diaper cream, back in you go. Fifteen times later, you’re exhausted, late and over it. So you grab everything from the car and head back in. Maybe tomorrow will be your day. It’s like a sea turtle hatching and trying to make it into the ocean for the first time. Nealy impossible. And don’t even get me started on overnight trips.
Wine – (can be substituted with beer, liquor, hell even coffee)
Pre-kids, it was your happy place. Nothing beat sitting on the patio with a few girlfriends, cold glass of Moscato in your hand, reminiscing about the good ole days.
Post-kids, you realize the patio was the good ole days. Why the hell did you leave them? Now you drink to drown out the clanging of toys and the annoying pretend voices of your daughter’s toys, as they fight over who gets to ride the magic carpet first. Why must kids make their dolls talk all whiny? As if we don’t listen to it enough.
The Bathroom –
Pre-kids, you just close the door. Immediate privacy.
Post-kids, don’t close the door. It’s not worth it. The tiny click of the door latch, sliding into place, is like a shot in the dead of night. Every ear in the house knows you closed the door, and immediately the needs ensue. Whether you are trying to pee or take a shower, it is guaranteed your attention will be needed. Showers are also a sure-fire way to ensure your baby will take the shortest nap humanly possible.
The Phone –
Pre-kids, and may years ago, I loved to talk on the phone. I would call friends, family, whoever, and talk for hours.
Post-kids, it’s another sure-fire way to make sure your attention is needed. Texting is not just a changing of times for me, it was a changing of life. Want the baby to cry, get on the phone. Want your three-year-old to spill a drink, or ramble off their entire life in one monologue? Get on the phone. I just gave up.
The Radio –
Pre-kids, it was turn up your favorite summer song and sing to your hearts content.
Post-kids, it’s a continuous scan trying to find one song that doesn’t have a cuss word in it. Even country isn’t safe. And then, just when you think you have found a station that is “safe” your kid starts belting out “I got my chainsaw” or ” I got a real good feeling something bad’s about to happen”. Always promising.
The list could go on and on, so tell me what else changed when you had a child?
