Back when you were a teenager, or even in your early twenties, making a new friend was as simple as walking into class, or hanging out at a party. Your world was submersed with likeminded individuals, looking to have a good time.
Then we all grew up…
Divide and Conquer
Though the timing may vary, there is no stopping the inevitable moment when your young, vibrant, happening life, crosses over the threshold of an alternate universe, where your body aches, your house is overrun with toys and you sing Disney songs while alone in your car. Laugh if you must, but it’s true.
You’re not sure how you got here, – you weren’t going to be one of those people – but suddenly you find your friend list divided into three categories.
Column A) The Dear and Near. These are the few friends – and I do mean few – that have stood the test of time. No matter the distance, or hectic ballet/soccer/nursing/nap schedules, you still manage to stay in touch – at least every few days. Yes, texting counts, because who has time to actually talk on the phone? Your Dear and Near are the ones you know you can call at 3 am and they would drop everything – or wake up as it were – to come to your rescue. Even if that means merely telling you that yes, your child will eventially sleep through the night.
Column B) The Get Together’s. These are the friends that you see at birthday parties, summer cookouts and the occasional girl’s night out. Your history runs deep, – remember that time in college? – but life happens. Hey, it happens to the best of us. You love them. Enjoy the moments you spend together, but the reality is, those moments are fewer and further between. Little Johnny has soccer, Little Hannah’s still on the boob and work has you exhausted…there just aren’t enough hours in the day. So your resign yourself to the cold hard truth, if you can manage to see them four times in one year, you deserve a gold metal.
Column C) The “I only know you still exist because we are Facebook friends” friends. I’m not sure we can justly qualify these folks as friends, but they are rightly the people of your past, who at one point likely influenced the person you are today. Sounds a little harsh? It’s not. It’s just life. No one expects you to maintain the level of friendship stamina you had when you were 18. Instead, when you pass this person in the grocery store, you conjure up the last picture you remember them posting about Little Johnny & Hannah, say how cute they are, and then offer the age old “we should get together.” You exchange pleasantries, move on about your day, and by the time you finally get to bed, neither of you even remember the offhand suggestion of a reconnecting. Let’s face it, you’re doing good that you remembered to brush your teeth before you collapsed in your bed.
Friendship, the New Dating
It’s a well-known fact people come and go from our lives. Whether it’s time or distance, or something completely different, it happens. The older we get, the more you realize far more go, than come.
After 12 years with my husband, 10 of which we have been married, a beautiful daughter, a dog, full-time job, aspiring writing career on the side, and a close-knit family, free time is not something I have. I’m not even sure I can tell you what it is at this point in my life. If I’m not at work, I’m being a mom – while cooking, cleaning, bathing, reading, etc. And if I’m not being mom – those rare few hours between bed time and me passing out – I am writing. Suffice it to say, I work.
So when the rare moment comes in the form of an invitation to your husband’s boss’s 40th surprise party, where you will sit in a room full of people you don’t know, but the invitation said adults only, and did I mention there was free steak and WINE, you jump. Sure, there is bound to be some awkwardness because the only people you know are bring the birthday boy 30 minutes after you are to arrive, but did I mention free WINE?
We ended up sitting in a booth with a couple that looked our age, complete strangers, and had a blast. I’m talking laugh till you cry moments, like we had known each other our entire lives. This, my friends is a rarity. And then Jane (we’ll call her that for now) says to me “I had a great time. We should exchange numbers.” This chick just asked for my number. Score!
Making new friends in your thirties is like dating.
It’s been a while – a long while – since I have been on the market, but it felt like we had just had the best, blind first friend date of my life. I mean, what I thought was going to be an awkward evening of trying to make small talk, turned out to be one of the best nights out I have had in a long time. And I scored a number – you can bet my husband was totally jealous!
But then what? Are there a customary number of days before you can text? Is the next day too soon? Should you wait two days? A week? And then what do you say?
Seriously, it’s like dating! Don’t believe me…watch this!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkprsbY0EJg<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”//w>ww.youtube.com/embed/OkprsbY0EJg” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe
